Why your stakeholders ignore you

One of the biggest lessons in my career at Amazon was learning how to effectively influence without authority. In the majority of my roles, I worked on large cross-functional initiatives that required so. much. influencing.

The big realization: if you’re thinking about influencing the moment you need to influence, you’ve got it all wrong. Influencing requires trust. And trust is weird. It doesn’t usually get built during the contentious meeting or when you need a favor.

It gets built in all of the small interactions that we usually take for granted long before any of the big stuff happens. So how can you build that trust and influence more effectively?

The Situation

I’m responsible for delivering projects that require support from multiple teams, but getting buy-in feels like an uphill battle. Stakeholders don’t respond, challenge my recommendations, or seem disengaged. I feel like I’m constantly trying to convince people to help me. How do I build stronger relationships and influence without authority?

My Take

Most people focus on the meeting or decision point where they need support. But really the focus should be on everything that happens before and around that.

Here’s four things to check yourself on:

• How well do you know their world?

• Are you predictably reliable?

• Do you proactively and frequently communicate?

• Do you have a clear POV?

1️⃣ Learn their world before asking them to care about yours

One of the fastest ways to build trust is simple: Get curious.

Ask:

• What are your team’s goals this quarter?

• What’s consuming most of your team’s time?

• What are you worried about right now?

The more you understand their priorities, pressures, and constraints, the better you’ll be able to position your work in a way that matters to them. People support things that help them succeed. Are you making that abundantly clear?

2️⃣ Be predictably reliable

Trust isn’t built through grand gestures. It’s built through consistency.

Do you:

• follow through on small commitments?

• send updates before people ask?

• close loops?

• proactively communicate risks?

• establish clear ways of working?

Or do you:

• disappear for weeks?

• only show up when you need something?

• miss follow-ups?

• change up or cancel the planned ways of working?

People don’t trust you because you have a smart idea. They trust you because you’re reliable, and it’s easy to predict how to interact with you.

3️⃣ Communicate before problems become surprises

One of the biggest trust killers: Surprises. Especially bad surprises.

Strong cross-functional leaders share these EARLY:

• risks

• delays

• changing assumptions

• bad news

• controversial ideas

Nobody likes hearing bad news or being put on the spot. But everyone appreciates hearing it and weighing in before it’s too late.

4️⃣ Have a point of view

Building relationships doesn’t mean becoming a people-pleaser. In fact, trust often increases when you bring thoughtful and clear recommendations.

Ask questions first. Understand the landscape. Then say: “Based on what I’m seeing, I recommend…”

People trust leaders who think critically and make decisions. Not leaders who simply relay information. Are you sharing your POV?

Final Thought

Most influence problems are actually trust problems. We assumed we had trust without actually earning it. Trust is built over many small moments. The coffee chat. The proactive update. The follow-up email. The commitment you kept. Good news is these are controllable! With a small amount of intentional effort, you can be effectively influencing like a champ. What are you going to implement today to improve those cross-functional relationships?